My (not-so) safe life in row C

For some sitting in the front row of a comedy gig would strike fear deep in to their heart at the thought that they could become part of the routine at any moment. For others the front row is sought after in their ticket choice in order to get a chance to speak to their favourite comedian and have a story to take back to their friends.
I've always sat somewhere between these two groups, I don't mean literally, I'm not mentally profiling people to ensure I sit somewhere between these two opposites. I am not afraid to be part of the routine or have, as it's often referred to, the "mickey" taken out of me but the truth is I have never sat on the front row.
This fact comes from one of the many thoughts that my mind throws at me from time to time about my life, which I think you'll agree is quite a profound one:

How would my life sound at a comedy gig?

It may not instantly strike you as a thought up there with one brought on by Newton's apple falling from the tree or one that has even crossed your mind before but let me take you in to my world for a few moments and explain what I mean and by the end of it you'll either empathise or seal your opinion of me as a little bit crazy!

It's fair to say that my absence from this blog over the past 4 weeks (we were all thinking about the elephant in the room, one of us had to say it and seeing as it's me typing and you reading I guess that one would be me!) has been in no small part to my lack of creativity...& maybe a little bit in part to the PS3 that I bought last month!...but mainly the lack of creativity!
When I first started this blog I was hoping that getting my thoughts out there would inspire space for new ones but it seems that over the past month not only has my job kicked in to overdrive but my sleep has decreased & with it my motivation for creative thinking! Now I'm not here to make connections but I don't think Newton would need the aforementioned apple to piece this puzzle together!

So I needed to do something to shake me out of this rut and get back to you soon enough to prove to you that your faith in my previous posts has not all been in vain.
Needless to say then that I was glad that this week brought with it a long awaited trip to the local theatre to see Geordie comedian Chris Ramsey.

I knew that getting out to see a comedy gig would help to spark the creative juices but I never realised how much of an impact it would have and make me realise how important having the right job can be...if for nothing else than nights like these.

When I found out back in June that tickets for Chris Ramsey were going on sale I was straight on to the internet to make sure I would be there...well, I finished work first and went on when I got home but you get the gist of the excitement I'm trying to convey.
With there being only about 250 seats in the theatre he would be performing in I was slightly shocked to see that there were still seats available on the front row...and as tempted as I may have been for all of 10 seconds, until my head decided to chip in with "Imagine if he talks to you because you thought it would be a good idea to sit at the front. Do you really want to do that? Are you truly confident that your life is interesting enough to entertain a room of strangers?"... I think you can guess by now though that my answer to these questions was...no! And those of you with a keen eye may have also guessed by now that I decided to opt for 2 rows from the edge of danger and sought relative safety with a good view in row C.
Little did I know that at a Chris Ramsey gig, there is no such thing as a safe seat!

Now I am certainly not going to give too much away from the material that you can expect at one of his gigs but when I discovered that row C was only 5 feet from where Chris would be standing and the he made it very clear that he had a random generator for audience interaction, I knew my failsafe method for comedy gig safety was thrown right of out the window!

And so it was written, I wasn't just lucky enough to be randomly selected to interact with Mr Ramsey, oh no, I was lucky enough to be selected as the first person of the night to interact with him and help set the tone for the start of his set...no pressure then!

So the first two questions came:

1. What's your name?
2. What have you been doing today?

As questions go these were pretty straight forward. So I answered them with relative ease. Naturally my answer to question 1 was "Andy", (as that's my name) and as it was a Wednesday night gig my answer to question 2 was, "I've been at work". This was going well.

This led to question 3, "Where do you work?". Ok, so not a tough question if you work for a local council or for one of the major brands but when you work locally at a Re-Insurance company how much can you tell an out-of-town comedian without it just sounding like I've sworn at him in a foreign language?
My brain was fighting with itself. Do I tell him the truth or do I pick something at random?  Is this my chance to work for Sir Alan Sugar? or MI5?
I was very tempted but I knew this would lead me down a rabbit hole that even my random brain couldn't get out of!
I couldn't decide on an ideal employer so I opted to respond factually, "I work at a Re-Insurance company in Telford".

I could see him thinking "There's going to be no comedy in this...wrap it up Chris". He searched for the next question, "Soooo...what is it that you do at this company?".
He was definitely hoping that this question didn't cement this opening as more of and Question and Answer session than a comedy gig.

Again, even though I've committed to a factual answer to where I work, he doesn't know exactly what the company does, so I could still have some fun with this...fun...something distinctly lacking from the answers I had given so far. This could be my chance to be anything I've ever wanted...I could be a spy?...no that wouldn't work, if I was then I couldn't tell him let alone a room full of strangers. I could be a Fireman?...(something I wanted to be whilst I was growing up watching London's Burning, until I realised that you actually had to fight fires!) or a Chocolate Tester (I don't know if such a role exists but if you're reading this and hiring for such a role please get in touch).
Instead, as time and the feeling of 250 pairs of eyes were against me, I went once again with the truth.

"I'm a Project Analyst".

Silence...

Now I'm no expert but silence at a comedy gig is never a good thing at any point, but within the first 2 minutes is certainly not what anyone in that room would have been hoping for!

This really wasn't going well!

Chris Ramsey tried to salvage this one last time. The title of his show was "Feeling Lucky".
Lucky was something I know for certain that he was not feeling right now.
He tried to ask what the job entailed but must have realised that if the answer was anything like the last four then this really would be comedy suicide, as he asked
"So, what was the first thing you did at work this morning?"
I could see him crossing anything that would cross, inwardly praying for something...anything to find the slightest piece of comedy in so he could move on... he was blatantly hoping that karma would reward him for his percerverence and there would be an Astronaut in Row F!

My temptation to search for a fantasy activity had never been greater but with the ground opening up beneath me, time was not on my side and I just went one final time with the truth...

"I got some toast!"

Toast?! I went with Toast!
As lines at a comedy gig go, that's not really one you would reach for at any time, least of all when you're striving for comedy survival.
Surely I was about to be thrown out for wasting everyones money and ruining the true meaning of a comedy gig.

But to my (and I have no doubt Mr Ramsey's) relief the room burst in to laughter.
I was saved!!!
Saved by the toast.
The toast that represents all that is wrong with my day to day activities.
Thw toast that now symbolises my quest for true self worth.

Now I'm not sure if the laughter in the room was directed at me, everyone suddenly realising how amazing their lives were in comparison to how mine sounds, or whether they genuinely found it funny. Either way the truth was out there!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that this experience shows my true feelings about my job & my daily routine but I guess you could say that Chris Ramsey was acting as an inadvertent counselling service, making the gig not only a great night but excellent value for money!

So if you're like me, not quite sure that you have yet found the job you always dreamed of and spend quite a bit of time trying to figure out what that dream looks like just in case you're ever questioned by an enquiring comedian, put it all in to perspective and realise that it could be worse...the highlight of your day could be a piece of toast!

I hope this tale helps to inspire you to live your life how you want... but more importantly, to live your life with one of lifes most profound questions... how would it sound at a comedy gig?!

Through the looking glass...

I do apologise to you dear reader. Now I'm not going to spend the first paragraph once again profusely apologising for my tardiness for writing blog posts, you and I are both aware of the facts:

1. It's been 2 weeks and 2 days since my last blog post
2. In an earlier blog post I promised you that a delay would never happen again

Well all I would like to say on both of these points is that I, hmmm...apologise!

And for those of you cunning enough to notice, I have once again broken my word by inadvertently spending the first paragraph...apologising! Ooops!

Right, now we're all friends again (I realise I am taking your forgiveness as, well, a given but anyone who has not forgiven me at this point please rest assured that I will do my utmost to prove myself to you from now on!) I shall continue...

My tardiness hasn't been through lack of commitment for this blog or through choice, those of you who have read earlier posts will know that this blog is a way for me to keep some sanity (if you can call it that) within a life that has well and truly fallen down the office 9-5 crevasse, hoping one day to be rescued or I may have to cut my own arm off! Needless to say it is a mixture of this thing I call a "job" and trying to teach a well known phone company (naming no names, lets just say their "Phones" are no longer "4" me, even if they may be for "U"!) how to send the right item to the right address that has taken up the majority of my time and slowly ebbed the life out of me over the past 2 weeks!

But it's not all doom and gloom...

Despite moaning about it, rightly or wrongly I regularly find myself day dreaming at work and have managed to use the "office life" to my advantage and gain inspiration for future ideas. For example, less than 3 weeks ago I attended a 45 minute meeting at 9am on a Monday and even though my body was present, my mind was somewhere between my bed and "Creativity Street". Not only was I able to pay attention to the person hosting the meeting but this attention led my brain to pick up on office intricacies that I would not have experienced being anywhere else at that at 9am on a Monday and by the time I walked out of that meeting room at 9:45am I had constructed and noted down the title and ideas for 11 chapters of my next book!...a mightily productive morning you might agree...even if that wasn't what I was being paid to be there for...rest assured though I also managed to make all the notes I required and nodded and smiled in all the right places!

I have no doubt that a number of you reading this now can admit to switching off at work or at the very least day dreaming a little??!
A Director that I have worked for is famed for doodling during meetings and still being able to pay attention...so if it's good enough for a Director then it's good enough for me!
I've been told many times that people who need to keep their brain occupied are able to multitask in these types of situations and will often choose to keep their hands busy doodling, sketching, connecting lines or thinking through ideas whilst being perfectly able to maintain focus on whoever is talking, understand all of the options available and still make any required decisions without signing up to being relocated in outer Mongolia...however nice a place it may be!

With this in mind I would like to invite you to take a look at one of (what I would call) my finest works. A drawing from my own work notepad that was constructed during another meeting some time back. I'm not sure exactly where my mind was at the time but if I recall I had earlier that day had a conversation about a classic TV programme from my childhood, "The Borrowers" and another conversation about Sir Isaac Newton and his famous dropping apple...

So, the picture you see above must be the outcome of my subconscious in overdrive...for not only did I "draw" a guy sitting under a tree, but by adding an overarching magnifying glass I have inadvertently turned one of the greatest scientists of all time into a "Borrower", living unseen within the pages of my notepad!

Now I'm not trying to suggest that this is the working of a modern day Picasso but I think you'll agree you can appreciate it for what it is...An Office Doodle, or an "Ooodle" as I like to call them.
For those of you who already "Ooodle" then keep going...you are doing a tremendous job. Feel free to send me any to include on future blog posts. For those of you yet to experience "Ooodling" (if you happen to draw a canoe during one of these "Ooodling" sessions then technically thats "CanOoodling"...sorry, I had to get that out there!) I encourage you to attend meetings, pay attention and get inspired! I definitely think "Ooodling" not only helps but can be an art form in it's own right!

I hope you have enjoyed this brief insight into how my mind works (as well as my Biro skills) and join me next time I take you through the looking glass of my "working" life!

Words can make a difference!

19th Century American poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote,

"Words are also actions, and actions are a kind of words".

Some say that it is the actions that you take in life that define who you are or are the things that people will remember you for. The people that say that are choosing to ignore the other side to that...words.

Words are a very powerful tool. One we all have but one that not everybody chooses to use or appreciate. Words can inspire a generation or start a revolution. Words can change perceptions and mean so much to so many. Something as simple as words can have just as big an impact as actions.

As those of you who have read my previous posts will know, I started this blog to help get the words out of my head and on to paper...whether they make sense or not, hopefully they can be enjoyed or inspire but the main thing for me was to try to retain the thoughts from my head whilst making room for all the new ones!

Now I'm certainly not gearing towards likening my words within this blog to anything near as dramatic as political uprisings or generation defining speeches (you're safe in the knowledge that you probably won't find anything as profound as "I have a dream..." in here)...but I like to build the scene, sorry, it's just something I do!

For me, the most important thing that words can do is help to bring a story to life.
And that is what I tried to do this week. However even I didn't fully appreciate the effect that words can have on a story until now.
All started so well when my sister asked me to help her recount the evening that she got engaged to her boyfriend, so that it could be submitted for an online competition.
Naturally as the helpful brother I agreed and on Saturday afternoon we set to work on ensuring nothing was missed from her engagement story. My sister was reliving every moment and I was there with the laptop trying to piece it together in to the words that would be concise enough for the competition but still retain the sentiment and emotion required.
I think you'll agree, even if I do say so myself and knowing that every word is true, that the final outcome achieves both of those things...

"My Fiancé Rob and I recently got engaged in June this year. We had been together 9 years near enough to the day. We both met when we were 20 and officially got together at his 21st birthday party in June 2003.

 

This year Rob turned 30, and decided to celebrate in style.

 

Rob had always joked about one day being titled as a Baron, and had also always wanted to attend a Masquerade ball, so we decided to make it happen. The Barons' Ball was to be held. Little did we know the planning and effort that this would involve but all this would certainly prove to be worth it.

We set the scene with authentic 18th century inspired invitations, encouraging guests to get involved with the theme as much as possible. The plan worked! Everyone wore masks and so many fully embraced the theme arriving in full Venetian Masquerade dress. It looked truly amazing!

Rob and I hired gorgeous costumes to compliment each other, he looked so handsome and I felt like a princess in my Marie Antoinette inspired attire.

We had hired a marquee, which was decorated in accordance with the invitations and guests were greeted by a string quartet, allowing everyone to immerse themselves in the theme from the moment they arrived.

 

Once everyone had eaten and were still seated, Rob began his speech to thank everyone for the effort they had gone to and for making his 30th birthday party one to remember.

I had joined him on the stage when Rob declared that there was one final surprise for the evening.

Everyone else in the room had clicked by now about what was about to take place but I was still caught up in the excitement of the party and concentrating on trying to make sure he had thanked everybody. I had no idea what was about to happen!

 

Suddenly amongst the cheers and screams of our friends and family, one of our best friends arrived on stage, dressed in full Musketeer attire, delivering a box to the Baron, who then preceded to drop to one knee.

It was only then that I realised what was happening! I could not contain my emotions, luckily my excited tears were contained beneath my mask as he asked me the words I had always dreamt of and presented me with a diamond engagement ring.

Naturally my answer was yes but nobody could here me through all of the excitement in the room. He had every woman in tears, and every man hating him for setting the bar so high!

We were overwhelmed on stage by all of our friends and family congratulating us both and in this moment The Barons' Birthday Ball merged in to our engagement party and with everyone there to celebrate with us it couldn't have felt more special.

It was truly a fairytale proposal!

We are due to get married in Spring / Summer 2014, once the perfect venue is found."

Later on that evening I received a phone call from my sister in fits of giggles saying that she has submitted the story.
Now, what I failed to divulge to you was that during the recounting of the evenings events, and whilst my sister was truly, and understandably, lost once again in the moment and reliving every part of it, I was sat with nothing more at my disposal than my mind and a keyboard...a very dangerous combination when in the hands of a mischievous younger brother!
So whilst I was writing down the important elements that my sister was emphasising and trying to blend them in to the perfect words, I was also mocking her enthusiasm with my own slightly exaggerated version of the story just for my own amusement...
Most of that mock-story was one liners of wit that were amusing at the time but were soon deleted once I was rumbled. However, there was one sentence that I was particularly proud of so stored with a number of "Enter" key presses between that and the main wording, safely at the bottom of the page, or at least I thought it was...
For that phone call I received from my sister was to tell me that in her rush to enter the competition before the closing date and before she had to go out she had just highlighted the document I sent across and pasted it. This meant that the beautiful story that you read previously now had the following, slightly sarcastic, ending that only a younger brother could provide...

"A unicorn leaping through the valleys would not have made this any more of a fairytale than I could ever describe! Tinkerbell's fairy dust had truly been sprinkled upon us".

Luckily the fits of giggles told me that all was forgiven but needless to say I am and will always be the younger brother, put on this Earth with one purpose in life...to wind up my older sister!

Sometimes words can inspire. Sometimes words can hurt. Sometimes words can have a greater impact than you may ever know...and sometimes, just sometimes...words can inadvertently ruin your sisters' chances of winning a competition!

For those of you still with me and intrigued by the competition, the wording was resolved and the submission has made the voting stages so please feel free to help bring this story to life and vote here (as you can probably tell, they are the ones in full Venetian dress)...knowing full well of the damage that words could have had on the outcome of this story and that words really can make a difference!

Smile...and the world smiles with you!

It's definitely been an interesting couple of weeks for me, a mixture of highs and lows but interesting nonetheless.
Sometimes life seems to throw any number of things at us all at once. You would think it would be kind and if we are going to have illnesses, bad news and bad luck then it could at least be spread out over a number of months or years but I'm afraid life just doesn't usually want to play fair and when one comes, well it can feel like an inevitable flood follows soon after.

Waking up on Saturday, we were confronted with the realisation that one of the back wheel's on my girlfriends' car was pretty much what I believe is technically deemed as...flat! So after a few phone calls (in which I pretty much blagged my way through which tyre was needed) and a short trip later we found ourselves at a local tyre fitting establishment, some may call it a mechanics!

Sat in the cramped reception of said mechanics, I experienced a realisation. One I've had a few times before but one that never fails to surprise me each and every time... I am at my least manly when any form of manual labour is involved!

I really don't know what it is but there is something about dealing with people that are skilled at their trade (questionably skilled when 2 of the 3 mechanics were smoking around the car as they tried to fix the wheel) that just turns my brain to mush. Even the simplest of questions leads to plenty of "Ummm"'s and "errrrr"s on my behalf as I struggle to retain even the slightest hint of masculinity out of this moment...but alas these moments always end in the same scenario, with the trades person (let's be P.C. about this) looking at me with a look that might as well say "I bet you couldn't down a pint of lager if your life depended on it, you're a disgrace to men everywhere"!
The most manly moment throughout all of this was when I got my wallet out (I'm betting the mechanic behind the counter half expected me to produce a pink purse from a pink handbag that also contained a dyed pink Chihuahua!) and paid! The mechanic didn't need to know that my girlfriend was paying me back later, I didn't feel that was an important conversation in our newly forming mutual appreciation!
An important point to make at this point is that my Dad has been a Maintenance Manager for the past 25 years and had numerous manual labour jobs throughout his life before that as well, so there would be some expectation on the level of manliness that should be exuded from me but alas my office lifestyle seems to have not just drained my sanity but also the majority of my masculinity in these types of situations.

The next thing life decided to throw my way was to test both my patience and my ability not to act like a stroppy teenager.
Preordering the new iPhone 5 last week, I just thought that it was a simple necessity after 2 and a half years with my current mobile phone to upgrade. The last thing I expected was to develop a countdown in my mind until I got my new phone and grow in excitement and anticipation as the hours passed. I felt like I was a 10 year old child counting down to Christmas and didn't know how to stop that feeling or if I even wanted it to stop!
Finally the day arrived this week when I got a text from my sister telling me that a parcel had arrived for me. This text arrived on my phone at 11:10am and needless to say I couldn't really think of much else for the rest of my "working" day!
So imagine my surprise when I get home and open (when I use the word open, you can actually read that to mean tear apart) the packaging to reveal something that I wasn't exactly expecting...
Rather than the 32gb Black and Slate iPhone 5 I ordered and paid for, waiting for me in the parcel was a 16gb White iPhone 5. This may seem like an easy mistake to make but add the annoyance from this to the frustration that came from a non-helpful high street shop visit, a phone line customer services that closes at 17:00, when the time was now 18:00.25...a time I can remember exactly as it stared back at me on my computer screen telling me that the online customer support closed at 18:00 so I would not be able to even discuss my feelings on the matter via text form!
But alas the world was not done with me yet, oh no! For within a matter of hours after I got off the phone to resolve this issue and be told that I would have to send this phone back before they would send the correct one out I received a text that was soon followed by the two words appearing on my phone. The text was from my service provider happily boasting that my services had been updated (and in my head they were half expecting a reply congratulating them on a superb job) and the two words that appeared at the top left of my phone stared back at me with as much smug satisfaction..."NO SERVICE!" (I've added the ! for extra effect but it may as well as had one)!
I haven't been without a mobile properly (and not through my own choice) since 1999 when I received my first mobile phone for Christmas, so it is definitely a weird feeling and brings with it many annoyances but can also feel slightly liberating I guess.

Mix these with ongoing aches, pains and illnesses that seem to arrive every time I get the impetus to start a fitness campaign and you could say I manage to convince myself that the world has me on it's bad books and that is where I'm destined to stay.

The last thing I want you to think is that I am ranting or whinging and I apologise if it comes across that way, I assure you this spell of annoyance will be broken soon when I realise I am not a 10 year old waiting for Christmas and am actually a fully grown adult with a proper job and everything!

I know these occurrences aren't exactly life threatening and are indeed incredibly trivial compared to so many other things that go on in the lives of others but I can only write about the thoughts and feelings that come from the moments that occur in mine.
So whether you experience much greater problems or know exactly where I'm coming from with these trivial items that just seem to compound one after the other, I guess the only thing we can do is smile through anything life throws at us and hope, just hope, that one day the world decides to smile back!

Lost in the world

Forgive me dear reader for I have sinned... It has been 8 whole days since my last blog post and that, quite frankly, is shabby and a standard I do not want to be setting for myself.
I promised you from my first post that this blog was set up as a place for my thoughts and hopefully the start of something that allows me to get these thoughts out of my head and hopefully provide you with something to amuse, empathise or just pass the time.
However, since my last post I seem to have become more addicted to watching the number of page views go up following some Twitter and Facebook promotion than actually providing anything new for all of you new, faithful and just passing by readers.
To be honest, I have been slightly overwhelmed by the number of you venturing this way and I would like to say a big thank you to each and every one of you so far (and those of you here for the first time) for taking time out of your lives to read the words I'm putting on your screens.
I would also like to take this chance to say a big thank you to my beautiful girlfriend for always supporting me and also a big thank you to my amazing Sister, who has helped me promote this blog and continues to provide inspiration, even when she doesn't know it! She has her own blog on her website, which can be found here, and I strongly recommend you check it out (after reading the rest of this of course) and let her know your thoughts and comments.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes...
We all have those moments in life when we get lost in our own little world and forget all about the everything and everyone else.
These moments help us to recapture that age of youth and innocence we have when we're young, when a humble cardboard box or wrapping paper is far more exciting than the actual present that cost our parents their hard earned cash.
It is these moments that let us escape, if not only for a small amount of time until we realise that perhaps we are not as alone as we led ourselves to believe.

I was lucky enough to be present at one of these moments for a complete stranger this week.
On my way to work on Thursday morning, I found myself second in line at a junction and behind a relatively new red car (I think once you read on you'll agree that the make of the car in front is not the important thing but for those of you trying to build the picture in your head it was a Vauxhall Astra). The traffic on the road we were both aiming for was busy so there was plenty of time for me to notice something unusual and special taking place right before my eyes.
The male driver in front of me was physically alone in the car, as was I, but mentally he had sold out Wembley Stadium! He was midway through what can only been described as one of the best Air Drum solo's I've ever had the pleasure to witness.
We were both able to pull out of the junction safely one after the other and soon found ourselves side by side at a roundabout, where I am incredibly pleased to report he was still fully committed to his Air Drumming that I did wonder if he would remember to even check if he was able to pull away!
He then turned his head to his left (he was in the right hand lane just for clarity and those of you still trying to recreate this in your minds) and for that split second that we caught eyes there were two possible options. Both of us were definitely thinking about them but neither of us were sure which one would happen.
The first option was for me to crack a smile and for him to feel rather embarrassed.
The second, and I think you'll be proud of me for this being the option I took, was to join in, show my mutual appreciation and bring out the Air Guitar! He looked delighted!
As I pulled away at the roundabout he gave me the nod of approval that told me my audition was successful and I was now a member of the band!
I will probably never find out what song we were jamming to but I am very proud to have been welcomed into a complete strangers' world, even just for those few split seconds.

I can often be found alone with my thoughts and quite often it is in the most inappropriate of times (especially when I am at work and meant to be...hmmm...working!) but these things take us by surprise and can't (and shouldn't) be helped as, for us all, in your own little world you can be whoever, whatever and wherever you want to be.
If you are lucky enough to come across one of these moments in the lives of others then do tread gently, as you will know they are special to each of us, so don't intrude too vigorously but remember, there is always going to be the great wide world spinning by around us but we all need some time every now and again where we just shut it all out, get lost in our own world and (as seems to be the done thing this week) if welcomed in, join the Air Band Appreciation Society!

Sympathy Block

When I started up this blog I knew it would be a place for me to place my thoughts from time to time...but I also knew that if I wanted people (meaning those of you kind enough to be reading this now) to take me seriously then I guess I had to take this blog seriously too!
So, as a man of my word and with it being Friday, today is the day I put myself out there and unleash what I hope will be the start of something beautiful.

For some time now I have been trying to accompany my working life in an office with trying to stay sane... and with the faint hope of succeeding I decided that writing a book would be the answer.
All started with great gusto and I was soon well away writing page after page. But then time passed and when I came back to find the time to start writing again I wouldn't like my previous efforts and found that my new best friend was my very trusty delete button!
So I found myself with writers block before I could even consider myself to be a writer, essentially all I was having was some kind of "sympathy block"!
Then I heard about the comedienne Katy Brand, who has managed to fund her book through a process called "Crowd Funding". This is where investors are called upon to stake money into a project for a return of some kind. In Katy Brands' case these returns were based on the value of investment and ranged from a "Thank you" in the notes to a full on character in the story.
Do not worry though, I am not here to ask for investment, this story of Katy Brand just merely gave me the idea to get feedback from the only people that count...you, the reader!

Anyway, all this brings me to now and my decision that it is either time to make a go of this book or just leave it in my equally trusty Recycle Bin.

So, here goes nothing, the first few pages... guess I'll see you on the other side...

..................................................................................................................................................................

Memoirs of a Random Guy
By Andy Brown
Copyright (2012) JustDrewOnIt Publishing

Chapter 1

And there it is, a feeling of pure elation. A feeling only 1 in 100,000 of us feel from time to time.

A feeling so gut wrenchingly unfamiliar that I felt the need to write about it.

Ok, so before the hello, I’d like to make two apologies.

Firstly to any English teachers reading this book and any that have ever taught me for breaking rule number one and starting a sentence, neh, this book with the word “And”. I hope you can see past that grammatical error and continue to read this book for what it truly is…

One big grammatical error!

Secondly I’d like to apologise for the title of this book. I was torn on a number of variations, each one as poor an excuse for a book title as the next, but eventually I had it down to just two. Obviously “Memoirs of a random guy” won my little “reality show” for rubbish book titles but only because the alternative was “Memoirs of an average guy” which, I think you will agree is nowhere near as sexy and probably would have put you off even picking this book up. It’s safe to say that by reading this you weren’t put off picking this book up and would agree that putting people off picking this book up is the exact opposite reason for me writing it.

Although in the end it didn’t come down to sexiness of title or even a rigged phone vote. “Average” may describe my looks and certain aspects of my life (I’m not talking about my anatomical parts before you insert your own jokes!) but as I write this I guess the word “random” best describes my mind and all the other aspects of my life (again no jokes here please).

So I guess this is where I introduce myself. As the rest of the book title suggests my name is Charlie Drumann. I am 23 years old and was born and grew up in a small town on the Shropshire/Staffordshire border. I think you’ll agree nothing random or out of the ordinary about those facts, in fact they are distinctly average but I also think you’ll be wondering how a 23 year old guy can even consider writing his memoirs? You’ll probably be thinking “he’s not famous or special, in fact I’ve never heard of him” but that’s where the sexiness of a title comes into it again. Far be it from me to put you off picking this book up by boring you with the title, oh no dear reader, I’d rather bore you with the content!

So by saying “memoirs” it attracts people more than “thoughts” and sounds slightly better than “Randomness of a random guy” which, in case you’re wondering, made it into third place of my little “x-factor for rubbish book titles” but was subsequently ruled out because I thought it was a bit too…well…random.

If you’re still with me then thank you. I can assure you of a distinct lack of boredom from now on. Think of that opening section as my audition stage to get rid of the riff-raff and save the better things for those of you clever enough to see past that and to you I say “welcome to the boot camp stage”.

This book is actually an excuse for me to let out and attempt to explain to you my thoughts on a number of subjects, intertwine some of them with some of the experiences I actually have had in my life so far and sprinkle on a few of random wonderments for good measure. Don’t worry, I’m not going all Nigella on you, I’m just “sexying” things up again.

Oh and before I go any further, I think it is only right and fair that I explain the opening line in the book and make you aware of why I am writing this in a slight state of elation. No not the kind of elation favoured by rock stars or kids tv presenters but the kind of elation one can only get by winning £10 on the lottery on two consecutive Saturdays! Oh yes my friend, that sort of event on one Saturday causes a slight buzz, but two consecutive Saturdays, my goodness I thought I was walking on the moon. Like I was looking down on the world through eyes only gods could see through!

OK so maybe I’m forgetting about all the other Saturdays and indeed Wednesdays I haven’t won anything and all the money I’ve lost through that as well as the fact that despite my winning streak, or Midas touch as I like to call it, my grand total of winnings was only £20. However, like all of us Lottery players I choose to forget those minor indifference's and instead focus on the fact that I, Charlie Drumann, am indeed a winner!! It was literally like winning the lottery!

Page End.

..................................................................................................................................................................

Well...that feels somewhat...liberating! I guess I better start again by thanking you for taking the time to read not just another of my blog posts but the start, or indeed end, of the future of my sanity.

The book will tell the story of Charlie Drumann, our lead character, who finds himself in a state of flux whilst trying to work out which path his life should take. Until one day, Charlie makes a decision that will change his life and the lives of those around him for good.
And for anyone wanting to pass this as there own, think again! I'll leave the details of that there as the last intention of this blog is to be negative...needless to say, shame on you!

So please feel free to comment, let me know your thoughts and ideas and who knows, if this is just the start of things then from time to time you may get sneak peaks of his adventures and could possibly help shape a literary creation.

Until next time, this is me...thanking you!

Why Blog? Pt. II

Hello again!

You're probably wondering why I appear to have been incredibly lazy and re-used my blog title from my previous post.
Well, like all mainstream rap songs of the last 10 years I figured "Why Blog?" needs a part 2, so consider this the full RnB version of that song you really like but find yourself humming along to until the catchy chorus kicks in (sing it if you know it..."Just gonna stand there and watch me burn" or "I wanna sing, I wanna shout...").

I have been thinking for a long time now of putting my thoughts out there on a blog and decided to finally just go for it. Sometimes the real world takes over our time for so long that the passions and hobbies that we crave never seem to materialise, well at least that's the case for me.
I have a constant desire to do something with my life that I enjoy and writing is something that I enjoy so I guess I'm hoping this blog allows me to pursue that.

OK, so I guess it's only fair to let you know what you can expect from this blog over the coming days, weeks and months and either give you a reason to come back from time to time or unwittingly put you off already! Either way, I'm very grateful for you sticking with me so far and hopefully you won't find anything to put you off each time to find yourself venturing this way.
As an aspiring writer I have tried to find time to write a book, one that I feel is relevant and enjoyable for the reader and I'm hoping that I'm heading in that general direction but I've decided it's finally time to get some critique so this Friday night I will be releasing the first few pages on this very blog! It gives you (the faithful reading public) the chance to get a feel for the type of book I'm working on and feel free to comment so I can get a view on whether or not the theme and direction is what you want? So keep your peepers out for that!
I will also be putting out my opinion on a whole host of topical issues, thoughts on music, books and movies as well as using this as a place to put out there the random occurrences that happen in life!

If you're still with me then thank you and I can make you 2 promises. The first is that I will try to make this a place you enjoy visiting and look forward to reading...and the second is that my next and all future blogs will be titled with far more enticing things than "Why Blog" :)

Why Blog?

OK, so here goes, a foray into the big wide web and a place for my thoughts to reach the masses (and when I say masses I mean more than the very receptive audience in my own mind).

I have so many random thoughts that enter and leave my head all day long and I'm just hoping this can be a place to capture one or two of those and maybe provide me with the proof that I'm not alone in my randomness...either that or I'm writing my own psychiatric admission form live to the world?! Alas, fear not dear reader you are in safe hands and hopefully find a thing or two to your liking hiding within this blog.

As a small insight into the types of randomness to expect from me I'll let you into what money spinning idea went through my head before 9:30am this morning... How easy would it be to create a Beatles's themed workout DVD entitled "We can work it out"? And I'm afraid the randomness only starts there, so if you're still with me then thank you, grab a cup of tea and a biscuit and I hope you enjoy!